He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize