ya dads aren't the best wingmen
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
