Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize