You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
