Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
