We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I came so hard my ears popped.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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