I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
