I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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