pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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