I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You need a sexual gate keeper
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
