I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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