I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
