remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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