Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
