dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
