Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I love you.
Bad choice
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