Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
