So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
