We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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