i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
