She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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