did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
