she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
