apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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