I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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