I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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