Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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