how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Randomize
