She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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