I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
