i need an iv and a liver transplant
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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