Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
