i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
