Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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