Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
