This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
