hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
How does one acquire holy water?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I see more hoeing in ur future
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