just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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