Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
