Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Randomize
