Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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