So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
