The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
