it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
