im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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