I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
