dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He better not be in your backpack
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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