do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
