If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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