Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
