Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
