she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize