i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
