You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
