Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
