I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
