Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
