Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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