you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
