I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
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