I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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