i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
