OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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