On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
