dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
