I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
