I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
