Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
