dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
