Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
