I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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