He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
