Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
