There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
