my phone needs a breathalizer
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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