I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I want a musical about memes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
