I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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