with your own penis?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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