First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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