one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
