if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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