I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
