I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She told me I should be a condom model.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
