Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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