hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
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