you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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