Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
