Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
