I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
sex in a hospital.. check
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
