Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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