Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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