I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize