she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
