Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I supernannyed him into submission
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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