So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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